Things that make me want to be violently ill

case in point - this bullshit 'fashion label' recently making stomachs turn nation wide - WildMai (if that Is your Real name)

This 'new and exciting label established in Melbourne' seems to have confused fashion with Trailer Park Bondage and I for one Am Not Amused (well, you know, Technically I'm amused, but in the direction of disgust, not in the Stephen Fry quips and witticism way)

However, I digress from what triggered this rant (because if I was mentally fatigued by every bit of clothing I didn't find aesthetically pleasing I wouldn't have time to let my blue cheese reach room temperature before I eat it, let alone blog).

The real reason I wanted to do this post was after seeing a comment on ol WildMai's facebook:
'oh yes all our hideous $300 fur vest are real fur'. Uh, pardon, did you say REAL? 

Are You for Fucking Real? Real fur. 

Oh yes, I love the smell of carcass-on-the-side-of-the-road-in-soviet-russia-paid-for-this-heinous-piece-of-clothing Real.

I take back all the self-justification bullshit I spouted on fur, because hell, I thought I was defending wearing my vintage finds, I didn't think assholes were still making this shit. I guess I figured that after Chanel did faux fur - that if heart-of-flint Karl was ready to recognise the end of fur - everyone would follow. But trust these fuckers over at Wildmai to bring reality crashing back.

So, now I don't know what to think anymore. Maybe they are pest animal furs, and maybe this shit is all humane and above board, 

but no matter what, they can't justify what is an undeniably inhumane truth:

My Eyes Are Permanently Seared By How Fucking Ugly These Clothes Are

like, this shit's for real

Post Script - I trawled back so far though the Nigel No Trends archives looking for some gif that would convey my disgust. I didn't find one. But I did find this:

Aurora Glitteralis

'It will cost $66 to QUOTE the damage you have done to the camera'

My camera is in a bad way, camera is kaput for the time being - which is my way of justifying really shit and dark photos of what is a truly spectacular top. 

These photos do such a disservice to the garment that I am forced to show this old photo of Ruby wearing it just so you can get a glimmer (lol geddit) of how grand the top truly is. 

- Glitter Ambassadors - doing what we can for sequins everywhere

worn with the best coat (that's right, cashmere and velvet And I've had it since the age of five) 

 Geisha pout not included

Photo included because 1) Sequins are as close as any item of clothing has of embodying the Aurora Borealis and 2) it was taken in ICELAND BABY where I will 3) be oh so fricken soon

SURPRISE

Ol' Slavey Tarnish Fingers-

A lifetime of silver to polish

cobbled together

my lifelong goal of being a 'professional muse' is coming to fruition 

check out fabulous Ruby at tinycobbler.blogspot.com

Think pink! think pink and you're Michelangelo.

Here is a pick and mix of images that kinda fit my 'babe manifesto' mind-set at the moment.

 Try not to be distracted by babe'n 90s Kate, focus on the important things - like careful sticker placement, dark lips and beige strappy sandals** 

Expressionist vaginas, passive torsos - Dolce and Gabbana Autumn 2011

 We'll call this guy Arnold (cream on his face and the picture of content)

 Dolly - matching cuffs to bra Or flared-sleeve lace onesie?  // Totoro Nails

Remember when Kay Thompson told us that Red is dead, blue is through, green's obscene, brown's taboo? What to do? (THINK PINK)

 Evita era Madonna. Yeh, she can see into your soul, but in the good way, you know - like a white, skinny and disinterested Oprah. (Vogue USA October 1996 Photographed by Steven Meisel)

Back when hair went puffy, roller-skates supreme and condoms were for priests - Boogie Nights. //

Lulu

Fantasy night at the Jim Henson play mansion?

And now for some breathtakingly in sync babes - "Listen boy, my first love story. Ooh Uh Oh Ooh Uh Oh Yeah"

Why K-Pop is not more popular in Australia is beyond me. Girls Gen' is everything that's good in the world in one all singing all dancing package. (With matching minishorts!)

Do you feel enriched now that you are full to the brim with fluffy pink joy? Of course.
Play safe babes, eat well.


**(seriously though guyz, can someone talk sandals with me? cute ones that don't hurt or suck - perfect for a forthcoming trip to Vietnam?) 

Rosemount Bumpkin Week

A few moments from RAFW May 2011

 Arnsdorf mint-green capesk thang:

 Romance Was Born:

Giant fleur di lis? Should she be on top of a wine bottle perhaps?

Rub up against me on the d-floor O beaded one. Ruby insists it's all Padme Amidala (Star Wars shit) but the folks in charge at RWB say the collection is 1920s and The Never Ending Story inspired.
(drops some beats honey)

Sara Phillips:

Prints seemed to be making some stand out moves this year, with cuties like Sara and her gargantuous flower installation popping onto the scene.

Stolen Girlfriend's Club:

 And the highly anticipated return of Josh Goot:

The Fury of the Furry

 -outfit I wore to a free lunch that someone filmed and will eventually be on the telly-

some thoughts on fur: in Australia there are some animals - rabbits and foxes in particular - that are killed in mass to help protect native flora and fauna from destruction (or kangaroos which often reach plague proportions and pose great problems to farmers). I personally have no issue with wearing the furs of pest animals. In fact I find it more environmentally sound to use these byproducts in a productive manner which may ultimately protect other animals from being hunted for their furs. Though I have never bought new fur, always vintage, so I don't feel I've ever actively supported the current industry, despite some lovely purchases.

But anyway, let's focus for a moment on the truly important thing about this outfit - I'm wearing shit loads shed loads of pink:

Yeh!

Not Entirely Quaint. 'instead of carpet I'll have money wall to wall'

Flower wreath construction

A friend reluctantly gave me all the flowers from his childhood toy chest the other day - it is hard to convince hoarders to part ways with their goods but I could hardly let such gems continue to lay dormant in a stinky box.

Another hair trinket; another day. 

***** TOTZ ALTERNATIVE! HIPPY FESTIVAL GIRL! GUARANTEED INDIVIDUALITY! *****

-my imaginary ebay listing chic

why go to ebay? All you need is malleable wire (double the width of your noggin), an assortment of flowers, some ribbon (to cover the sparse look of wire) and some pliers to manipulate the whole situation - But what am I saying? you babes are clever, I don't need to explain common sense to y'all

Aren't my flowers pretty? "so pretty!" I hear you exclaim "all faded and pastel, what more could a girl want?" 

"I want an old fashioned house, with an old fashioned fence 

And an old fashioned millionaire."

- ah Eartha Kitt, you understand me so and she does the Best crazy eyes

Crustaceans Really Should Just Come in 'Glitter' already

Wholesome gal - sitting in the garden, painting a giant shell with glitter. (if you like this you should see the birdhouse I made a few weeks ago - just like a bored 6 year old)

 Impatiently waiting for the PVA to dry results in strange photos but - look at those stars! 

You too could have a shell this pretty! - all you need is watered down PVA, stars, glitter, a paint brush that you don't love and some spare time. 

And I know what you're thinking 'Who Wouldn't want a giant glittery shell?' I know kids, I know, some people ask the strangest questions - obviously 'no-one'. (Ah double negatives)

Onto clothes - Pink was my new black, but I may have to crawl back to black - somewhat Beetlejuice, somewhat 'I intend to have a uniform of dark colours when travelling' and general goth-fab is lending itself to a new outlook. (See that scarf? Every self respecting fabulous person needs a good warm wool-bower )

Poochie (so regal) she too agrees with black fur as a must.

Ah Winona

As I told the doctor - 'sometimes when you feel like shit the only thing to make it better is to feel like a princess' (hence skirt) and then the boredom led to photobooth.

The shell has a story, but, I chose not to illuminate. Be satisfied with the knowledge that glitter is all important always.